Tam and Julie have a soap sale today. They'll be up at the London Terrace Street Fair on 24th ave. between 9th and 10th street, so go and get your self some quality soap and bath products if you feel so inclined.

The careful reader may have wondered who'll be caring for the baby while Tam is out all day. We'll my friends, today marks the first all day, non-stop, eight hour Mark alone with the bean day. That's right, more bean than you can shake a stick at. All bean, all the time!

Little Big Toe...

There will be attempts at periodic updates throughout the day, at least until child protective service gets wind and puts a stop to the madness. Viva la bean!

8:30 AM: Josie sleeps quietly. Maybe she'll keep this up for eight hours?

9:37 AM: posting to weblog while neglecting the bean (still sleeping, but the stirring has begun)

9:50 AM: setting up the Baby Einstein play gym in hopes of distracting her from the realization that daddy has no idea what he is doing.

10:10 AM: bean wakes up and has a nice brunch.

10:30 AM: she leaves me a little (ok, not so little) present in her pants.

10:40 AM: a little baby belly time. sadly, I can't help but sing "bum dum da dump, da dump, da dump, it's belly time" like MC Hammer for way longer than acceptable. A MC Hammer "hammer time" parody should never exceed more than ten seconds. Mine lasts about ten minutes

10:49 AM: possibly encouraged by my hip 80s stylings, the bean actually rolls over (for the first time)...I immediately call momma and blather excitedly into the phone. when she finally deciphers what I am saying, mamma is pleased.

11:20 AM: the nice things about babies is that they nap, and why shouldn't daddy nap as well?

1:01 PM: We wake from a nice long nap. she gets a change of unmentionables, and we watch an episode of The Office as we have a little lunch. I think it is important to note that she is the sweetest damn thing in the entire universe as she falls asleep in my arms.

1:20 PM: I set her down in the gym, and the phones start ringing and the dogs start barking and the bean starts crying. I cradle one phone while answering the cell phone and I curse the dogs under my breath. we have hit critical mass, and I wonder out loud why momma lied and said, "It'll all be ok." I try to find my happy place...

1:29 PM: after beating each dog repeatedly with a rolled up newspaper (how do you like me now dog whisperer), and hanging up the phones, the bean, most likely sensing my ineptitude and stress, decides another nap is in order. I couldn't agree more.

1:40 PM: we've passed the halfway point, over five straight one-on-one hours of bean-tastica. if you can get past the smell of spit up milk and body oder (I made an executive decision and substituted shower time with extra nap time), things are looking pretty good.

3:20 PM: Seems the bean can out nap her dad hands down. she slumbers away peacefully. a representative from the local block patrol handed over a petition signed by over two hundred neighbors demanding that I shower. If not for the fear of my rebellion against the local imperialist hygienic regime waking the baby, I would of fought to the bitter end. I now sit at the terminal cleansed and defeated. As I write this, the bean stirs. Maybe it's time for an afternoon snack.

3:55 PM: the snack turned into a three course meal. she was quite hungry, and another little gift left in the pants for daddy. I've decided to take bean-tastica on the road. we're saddling up for a trip to the deli to pick up some lunch, and maybe a little detour to let Uther (der gute hund) get a bit of exercise.

4:24 PM: during our walk the skies threatened rain the entire time. I felt many a drop, but thankfully no rain. I've returned to the homestead no worse for wear with a deli sack containing a chicken sandwich with muenster cheese (gina, I think you know what I'm talkin' 'bout) and a piece of crumb cake. If only the bean could partake...sorry bean, but it's daddy's turn for lunch.

4:35 PM: Momma, threatened by rain as well, returns home early...All hail the matriarch. I think we could all use a good boob right about now, as it were...