Mom: Your sister says that you and your brother want surf and turf for Easter dinner.

of note: it is said that "atheists" will attempt to blaspheme any holy dinner with crustaceans and sarcasm. In lieu of crustaceans, mollusks may be used with a heavy dose of self defacing wit.

Me: She asked us what we wanted to eat, and I mentioned lobster, and then Matt got excited about the idea of surf and turf.

Mom: Well, it kind of makes sense, as Jesus turned a fish into loaves of bread.

Me: Fish into bread?

Mom: Well, something like that...

also of note: My mother went to Catholic school and was raised by her very strict, very Polish, very Catholic grandmother.

Me: Amen.

of interest: I was raised by a pack of secular wolves.

Matthew. 14:13-21b

And they say unto him, We have here but one white fish, and no bread. He said, Bring it hither to me. And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and he took the whitefish, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and the fish becamith bread and cheddar goldfish, and he gave the fishbread and goldfish to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude. And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full of fishy bread and goldfish. And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children and a couple of dogs and one very small goat and those who could not partake of the fishy bread for they hast wheat allergies.

Gallup: More Than Half of Americans Reject Evolution, Back Bible

A Gallup report released today reveals that more than half of all Americans, rejecting evolution theory and scientific evidence, agree with the statement, "God created man exactly how Bible describes it." Another 31% says that man did evolve, but "God guided." Only 12% back evolution and say "God had no part."

Another 37% believe that the tooth fairy would still exchange their teeth for money, and many elderly who have begun to lose their adult teeth felt the glut that remains under their pillows was related to higher interest rates creating weakened demand in the tooth markets.

venganza.org

via gnitter

Lots of brouhaha on the news about Christian values yesterday. I caught a bit of Meet the Press with the Rev. Jerry Falwell, Rev. Al Sharpton, Jim Wallis, Dr. Richard Land . - Religious Leaders Clash on 'Meet the Press'.

A discussion of just war criteria came up regarding the Iraq war. I'm not a Christian, but I've read the new testament. I must of missed that just war piece of sermon on the mount.

Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.

and then Jesus paused, wrung his hands and spake,

However, if we feel someone might happen to have weapons of mass destruction, then Blessed are precision guided missiles and mini nukes.

Amen

I later caught Rev Falwell and Rev Sharpton on CNN at the airport while waiting for my plane. Here is Al Sharpon's final reply to Rev Falwell, "I preach the gospel of the good book, and the book says to love." I'm not so sure these guys have the same book.

A garden we pass on the way to the Pavilion Theater up on Prospect Park West:

But of the softness of the bear which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not snuggle of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.

Today a new term is born: chate * - where the loving and smite-full hand of God helps guide the righteous and wealthy to a land where the almighty governs and the people are filled with an insatiable desire for fundamentalist conservative judges. A land where the middle class becomes an unsightly memory from our heathen past, where homosexuals are driven back to their closet and the heady word of god fills the fizzy little brain of The President with thinly veiled hate and distain for anyone who believes otherwise.

God bless America, indeed.

* origins [Middle English, from Old French urscrewed] the merging of church and state into one biblically forged abomination. And some hate throw in for good measure

Holy fucking faith based misdirection Batman.

The Bush Administration has decided that it will stand by its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah's flood rather than by geologic forces, according to internal documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility

Park Service Sticks with Biblical Explanation for Grand Canyon - Peer News

- via wonkette

Also in the news, the Bush administration is drafting legislation requiring any science teacher when asked the question "Why is the sky blue?" to also provide the alternative answer, "Because Jesus is looking down upon us from heaven with his big blue eyes." When asked what if a child is Jewish or Muslim President Bush responded, "Well, the sky ain't brown now is it, heh heh."

God warned Pat Robertson about war in Iraq. President Bush Ignores God.

Robertson: I warned Bush on Iraq casualties - CNN

"I mean, the Lord told me it was going to be A, a disaster, and B, messy," Robertson said. "I warned him [President Bush] about casualties."

Robertson said the president then told him, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."

- filed under "what the fuck?"

Supreme Court to Hear Case on Display of Ten Commandments - New York Times

Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, joined by Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas, said the city sought to reflect the cultural, historical and legal significance of the commandments. Rehnquist noted that justices' own chambers includes a carving of Moses holding the Ten Commandments.

In related news, the court also announced today that they would hear arguments on the case of Little Billy Johnson vs. Mommy. More famously known as Mommy V Boogie Man. Little Billy Johnson has contested that the Boogie Man is hiding in his closet just waiting for the light to go out so he can eat him. His mother's attorney has argued that Billy shouldn't stay up late and watch horror movies, and please just stop crying and turn out the light.

Justice Clarence Thomas said, "What did Scalia say? Ok, me too."

Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, joined by Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas, though not convinced of the existence of the Boogie Man, noted that there is a good chance that it might actually be the Devil masquerading as the boogie man, and that is definitely not constitutional.

update: Justice Clarence Thomas has been forced to recluse himself in the case of Mommy V Boogie Man. Allegedly, he was the one waiting in the closet to eat Little Billy.

Justice Thomas, the Devil or the Boogie Man?