And so "the" holiday has passed, another Christmas done and gone. And yet, the war rages on in our hearts and minds.

I tried to do my part for the war effort.

• I held a Micky Santa hostage until he admitted his holiday cheer was chemically enhanced.
• Informed children everywhere that santa was a fraud. Not that he doesn't exist, but that his toy empire was built on the backs of the working elves.
• I chased an elderly woman down the street after she greeted me with a "Merry Christmas", I threw her into the gutter and screamed "Happy Holidays" until she wept and begged for my secular mercy. I gave none.

It is the small efforts that will help us triumph over the fruit cakes and poorly arranged Christmas songs.

As a final blow against the great seasonal tyranny, I mocked the very "spirit" of the holiday. To the dismay and horror of my friends and loved ones, I turned against the spirit of giving and gave my money to charity. No gifts labeled to or from Mark this year. To spite the very meaning of the holiday, I laughed in the face of it all and gave the money away to those selfish bastards who actually need it.

I turned the holiday on its ear and became a humanist, a damned dirty humanist. There is no place in this holiday, or this country for that matter, for humans. Mickey learned that the hard way.

But we are rising up. We are getting stronger. There are plenty of "humans" in this world that will hear our call. You can run. You can try and hide your freshly unwrapped Xbox 360s and your assortments of cheese and sausages, but it is only a matter of time. The humanists will hunt you down, and you will pay.

"Google believes that users should have a choice in what applications they use for editing text files. Built to support industry standards, Google Text enables Google users to press letters on their keyboard, and those letters will then appear in a Google Text document. Users can string these letters together to form whole words, even complete sentences. Google says that users will be able to create entire paragraphs of words and sentences, and, for the advanced computer users, complete documents.

Google Text uses industry standard ASCII text and provides innovative features such as 'cut and paste' and the 'deleting' of mistyped characters.

Google Text currently only has client support for Windows, but Google reportedly said that a web based client is in the works. The web client will provide support for Apple OS X and Unix platforms, but the web client will only support a limited subset of the characters that users can type in the windows based client. It has been reported that the web client will support the letters 'a', 'f', and 't', and the numbers '2' and '7'. Google says they are not planning any other characters at this point, but reminded that Google Text is in beta.

Yahoo has stated that their competing product "Yahoo Pad" is set to be released in a few months...

Pat Robertson has called for the US to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo - BBC News

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it."

"It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."

-Pat Robertson

Mr. Robertson then offered to fly down to Venezuela and "strangle the dirty commie to death with my own bare hands, in the name of the Lord our God..."

Citing irritable bowl syndrome, he proceeded to take a huge dump on national TV.

venganza.org

via gnitter

neighborhoodies

I had one of these for a while, in yellow, but I had to get rid of it after I was nearly stoned to death on the train with half empty Starbuck's coffee cups.

And for the record, my hotcakes run slightly perpendicular to the park, and just a few blocks west...

Fuzzy Math LTD., a subsidiary of Yummy Foods Inc., is proud to announce the initial release of iPet Rock® version 1.0.

IPet Rock® leverages the latest in web technologies to provide a feature rich user friendly digital pet rock. Fuzzy Math utilizes an array of savvy web tools to implement an exciting web platform to proved the best pet rock experience for our users. IPet Rock® was built on a solid foundation of LAMP, AJAX, ATOM, RSS, XHTML, J2EE, J3EE, J4EE and Ruby on Rails to provide a robust standards* based virtual Pet Rock platform for today and into to foreseeable future. iPet Rock® can fulfill your current pet rock needs for today and tomorrow.

One major concern expressed by our current clients has been, "What about my current analog pet rock? Is there an upgrade path to iPet Rock® 1.0?" Fuzzy Math has strived to make migration from our analog pet rock products as easy and painless as possible**.

iPet Rock® - the future is now.

* iPet Rock® 1.0 does not currently support Internet Explorer 5, 6 and most likely 7.

** there is currently no upgrade path available for Pebble Pet or Lime Stone Larry.

Important saftey information about IPet Rock®
The most common adverse events reported with IPet Rock vs a real rock (approximately 5% or greater and approximately 2x real rock) were nausea, insomnia, ejaculation disorder, somnolence, increased sweating, fatigue, decreased libido, and anorgasmia. Adults with Major Depressive Disorder may experience worsening of their depression and/or the emergence of suicidal ideation and behavior (suicidality) while viewing iPet Rock. IPet Rock® may cause bleeding from the rectum and/or massive ocular hemorrhaging.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

note: gina's IM handle has been altered to protect the innocent.

gina (6:43:03 PM): fred durst¹ is suing gawker²
gina (6:43:15 PM): link to gawker mocking Mr. Durst for suing
gina(6:43:34 PM): "subpoena the root password ³" was uttered
...
mwilkie00 (6:45:49 PM): I just IMed fred the root password, that should settle this...
...
mwilkie00 (6:50:03 PM): so what are you called when you are a lowly sysadmin to a media whore?
gina (6:50:30 PM): a monkey?
mwilkie00 (6:50:46 PM): a dirty little monkey...

1. Fred Durst is a rock star who video taped himself fornicating with a, what I imagine is a very regretful, woman.
2. Gawker is the current internet media company for who I am contracting as a Unix System Administrator and is being sued by Mr. Durst for publishing the dirty little video tape of himself and some poor women on its website. Why the entire universe isn't suing gawker for making said video public is a question for another day.
3. root is the master account on a unix system. A user with the root password has access to all files and data on that system, they are also quite l33t.

I've been doing a bit of consulting work for an internet media company here in New York, helping them get their systems in order, high availability and all that. This weekend they were having no end of server troubles. The systems had been going up and down all weekend. This afternoon I helped the primary system administrator for this company, a friend and confidant, get the web servers back online.

It's nice to now that the work you do makes a difference, that the work you do helps keep the world informed, helps keep the engine of democracy finely tuned by firming up the foundation of the forth estate. The people need to know the truth, and if our great nation is to continue standing the truth must be told. It must be rooted out, a light must be shined on every corner of this republic to reveal the triumphs and downfalls of the society we love so dearly.

Today I feel I have been lucky enough to shine that light ever so brightly:

The Collected Works Of Paris Hilton's Hacked Sidekick

God bless America...

For those of you who enjoy high art, daysofleisure.com brings you The Animated GIF Museum.

I totally made one of these in high school. Except, I don't have asthma, and I didn't plug the end with asthma medication, and it didn't have a spinny thingie. Oh, and it was made out of an old honey bear container. So really, it was nothing like this. But it was awesome!

via - gizmodo