Tam says, "If you start thinking about growing a mustache again, look at this picture."

Frankly, I think the raw sex appeal scares her.

La,La,La,La,La, The boys are waiting...

This was Tam and I before we started dating, or as I like to say, "When she was cheating on me before she knew it, but it still counts, you whore."

A breakfast conversation:

Tam: Remember when we got this tea cup? (she holds up a Fiestaware mug, a maroon color.) Remember how I hated it?

Mark: You mean the cinnabon ones (Cinnabar is the name Fiestaware calls this color, but I call it cinnabon, at first as a stupid joke, but now I have a hard time remembering what the real name is.)

T: Yep, I hate this color.

M: me too...

T: Well, ever since I dropped this one and it cracked, I have felt kinda bad for it. I keep using it over the others, cause I think it feels neglected.

M: Uh, huh...(I start rooting around for the camera).

T: Your not going to post about this are you?

M: (Smiles...)

I've been working from home quite a bit lately. As much as I enjoy working from home, it can have its disadvantages.

12:30 P.M. on a fine Wednesday afternoon...

ring....tam calling on her way home from the store

me hello?

tam you got your pants on?

I look down to check, and am surprised that I actually do...

me I do...

tam (also a bit surprised) great, come down the street and help me unload the car.

Gina and were driving back from a day trip to Fire Island with Jim when I inadvertently made a wrong turn. I tried to convince Gina that I knew where I was going, and that eventually we'd hit the expressway as I was fairly certain that we were heading north. I said as an aside, "Were only in trouble if this road starts turn curve off in an unknown direction, because this has happened to me before, and I have found myself wandering around Long Island looking for a highway I know. The good thing about being lost in Long Island is that you'll either hit the expressway, or a body of water at some point." A few moments after I mentioned the road curving, the road we were on curved to the right. Gina, always a good sport, pretended like she wasn't concerned with my apparent lack of directional skills, but I could hear the fear in her voice.

What Gina did not know is that I have a secret weapon up my sleeve. I have the ultimate intelligent mapping device available to man. Its not GPS, or a Hagstrom map of Long Island, not even google maps, its my brother's phone number. He moves pianos around Long Island and the tri state area, and he has an uncanny sense of direction and a mental map of the island in his head.

ring, ring...

answering machine: We are not in to...

me: Matt, its Mark, if you're there, pick up...

click...

Matt: Hey Mark, what's up...

me: hey, guess what? I'm lost out on the Island, and I was hoping you'd point me toward the Long Island Expressway.

Matt: where you at?

me: I am on Connetquot Ave heading north, at least I hope I am heading north...but this road is ending, and I'm not sure where to...

Matt: ok, you'll see a little curve coming up on the right .

I look forward a bit and see the curve he has just talked about.

Matt: follow that curve around to the right, and in a moment you will see Vets Higway, take a left on Vets and it'll run right into the expressway.

me: great, thanks matt.

Matt: no problem...see you on Sunday.

...click

We follow the curve off to the right, and there indeed is Vets Highway, and in a few moments we hit the expressway.

There have been times when I have been driving with Matt and its seems as if we are lost. He'll ask me to look at a map to see where a road is running, or how far we are from some other road, but by the time I find what I need on the map, he has already sorted it out in his head. It's like the mental query he needs to run to locate a specific place takes a little longer sometimes, but then all of the sudden he knows exactly where we are, and the best way to get from A to Z. You can almost see the light come on in his head, and then we are off in the right direction.

Thank you for using broogle maps, have a nice day...

Mark says, "I thought of a great idea for a story on the train today, it's called Wad."

Jim's eyebrow raises.

"See, it's about a guy who is in love with a girl, but she doesn't know he exists. He accidentally places his hand on some gum that she has stuck underneath a desk, and he becomes both repelled and aroused by it. He becomes obsessed with chewed gum. He starts collecting it. He starts Asking people for their gum, collecting it from all around. He eventually creates the world's largest gum wad ball. It becomes a huge midwestern attraction."

Jim, on the brink of dry heaving, "ugg, that's, that's...yuck."

"You see, the gum wad is a metaphor for love and loneliness."

"uh, sure..."

"Well, it seemed like a good idea on the train ride in this morning."

Team Pill has been hard at work on a new look and/or feel. After 48 months of development, we have finally launched the new design. I'd like to take a moment to thank the team for all their hard work.

Andrea, you put your heart into this project. I can only offer my thanx, in lue of pay.

Philip, your emotional and financial support helped make this project a reality. I am happy to call you friend, even if I barely know and mostly dislike you.

Rueben, You lost your leg when rendering HTML on an old Mac IIci. Sure, your performance suffered greatly after the accident, but we kept you on so not to get sued. Your diligent QA and tech support was barely completed in time.

Klaus, you quit in the last month, the home stretch, and for that I will never forgive you. This is the last time anyone on Team Pill will speak of you.

The development group in Building C, you did nothing, but we stole your soda and went through your stuff on many a late night, so thanx.

My ex wives and many children, your love and devotion has made me a richer man. This project would have never been possible if I didn't slack a bit in paying your alimony and child support, so thank you.

And finally, most thanks go to me, for whom without this project wouldn't have been possible. My vision and intelligence made it all come together. How can I thank me enough.

Ring, ring...

Mark: hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, can I speak with Mrs. Gaither?
Mark: Sorry, she's not in.
Telemarketer: Can I speak with Mr. Gaither?
Mark: No such person here.

Telemarketer silently slips his hand towards his sword...

Telemarketer: Can I speak with the person who makes the decisions regarding your phone service?

Mark fu, with his cat like senses, feels a slight tingling in his chi, he raises his right eyebrow.

Telemarketer kicks a stool in Mark fu's direction and then slices towards his chest...

Telemarketer: MCI is offering a great deal on local phone service today.

Mark fu slips effortlessly to the right, and thrusts his hand into telemarketers chest, the five point palm of death.

Mark: I'm sorry, but I am not interested, and can you please take us off of your calling list.

Telemarketer stand motionless as blood slowly drips from his lips. He stares with disbelief at Mark fu, and then falls helpless to the ground, dead.

Telemarketer: It will take about seven days to get you off our list.
Mark: Thank you.

Click...

Mark fu stands over the dead body of Telemarketer, his hand out streatched and shaking...

Mark fu: *almost in a whisper* I have avenged you, teacher...

I did. I lost. I knew I was going to lose, but I kept up a glimmer of hope that through perseverance I could pull through and win. But, unfortunately, I didn't have what it takes to bring truth and honesty to the debates. I couldn't muster the will to prevent the blase political rhetoric that panders to the middle and denies any frank open discussion about the world that we are living in. I lost, and I knew the outcome before it began. I, always the fool, hoped for more, hoped for some shred of truth in a world of spin and politic. I did my best, gave my all. I'd like to thank you all for your support.